Frame of MindBy Scott Zarchy
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:46 PM GMT
See Also: 'Frame of Mind' Episode Guide
Riker: When I show a glimmer of independent thought, you strap me down and inject me with drugs!
Data: The drugs don't seem to be working...you seem agitated.
Riker: You bet I'm agitated! These straps are chafing my delicate skin!
Riker: I may be surrounded by insanity, but I am not insane!
Suna: So why are you roaming the ship at this hour of the night in an asylum inmate's clothing?
Riker: Curses, foiled again.
Picard: Some of the factions on Tilonus IV have resorted to torture to gain their information.
Riker: You mean...?
Picard: I'm afraid so. They've started airing reruns from the Home Shopping Network archives.
Riker: I feel faint....
Worf: Allow me to demonstrate the use of this nifty blade thingy.
Riker: Ow! Did you just scratch my face?
Worf: (shifting eyes nervously) No, Commander...it must be a papercut from your play script.
Riker: But we don't use paper in the 24th--
Worf: I can demonstrate the blade thingy more if you'd like.
Data: Commander...the applause for your performance is at a much higher decibel level than the applause for my performance. Could this be a result of my status as an artificial life form?
Riker: Oh, no you don't. This is my character development episode.
Riker: Who are you? How did you get me off the ship?
Syrus: The ship again? Tell me...where were you a moment ago?
Riker: I was comfortable in bed! Why do these straps chafe so much?
Syrus: Sorry about that, the Tilonus Senate rejected our budget...we've had to cut a few corners.
Syrus: We'll talk more later. You don't have to remember everything today.
Riker: Oh, and that was a subtle hint that you're withholding information.
Mavek: Dr. Syrus thought you might enjoy some time in the common area.
Riker: Why, what goes on there?
Mavek: We throw you nutcases together in a room and take bets on which one's the craziest.
Riker: Sounds good. I'll put twenty bars of latinum down on the one who's going to end up playing the Borg Queen.
Crusher: I can't find anything that could have caused the hallucinations you had earlier.
La Forge: Maybe that's because I'm supposed to supply the technobabble but the writers left me out of the episode?
Riker: Au contraire, Geordi. My astounding acting skills make up for the lack of technobabble.
Data: Commander, I must congratulate you. You portrayed an insane lunatic admirably.
Troi: I'm sensing great hostility from you, Will.
Riker: (caught with his hand on Data's off switch) Really? How odd.
Riker: All I know is that when I go back to the ship...reality breaks apart, nothing makes sense. Except my skin is less sore.
Syrus: Would you like some skin lotion?
Riker: Only if you have it in strawberry scent. My skin requires only the finest.
Syrus: Now, slowly...try to remember what happened.
Riker: I think I'm starting to go crazy.
(Troi hologram appears)
Troi: Insane. Paranoid.
Syrus: She appeared because she represents your capacity to state the bluntly obvious.
Crusher: I had to sneak in here posing as a health official.
Riker: That's a real stretch, Doctor. Gotta use your acting skills for that.
Riker: I'm confused. I think I'll just shoot myself with a phaser.
Picard: Will, that's not a phaser. It's a banana.
Riker: Even better! I'll make like a banana and split!
Riker: If this is a banana and not a phaser, what happened to Mavek?
Syrus: What, the shattering into little pieces? He does that occasionally.
Riker: Riker to Enterprise!
Picard: Mr. Worf, kindly turn the volume down. I'm trying to watch my cartoons.
Riker: But my mind has been tampered with!
Picard: That much is certain. The Will Riker I know would never keep me from my morning Looney Tunes.
Riker: Once you got me back, we found out that someone had tampered with my mind.
Troi: So he focused on Beverly's play about insanity to keep him sane.
Picard: Isn't that an oxymoron?
Riker: To demonstrate my sheer strength, I will now tear down this set with my bare hands.
Crusher: Quick, Deanna, get the holocamera!
Crusher: (morphing into Syrus) I want to capture the look on his face when he discovers this really is an asylum. Muahahahahaha....
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)
Scott Zarchy is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.