AllegianceBy Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:22 PM GMT
See Also: 'Allegiance' Episode Guide
Worf: Hey, you're not dead!
"Picard": Why would I be?
Worf: Well, um, er, -- hey! Why are there quotes around your name?
"Picard": Well, um, er....
Captain's Log: I'm stuck in a cell with -- Who are you people?
Haro: I'm a Bolian cadet.
Picard: I thought Bolians were cobalt blue and bald.
Haro: That's just because the Blue Man is keeping us down.
Tholl: I'm arrogant, whiny, and a genius.
Picard: Just what I need -- another Wesley Crusher.
Picard: Well, let's use this door panel to get out.
Tholl: Don't! They'll use a harmful beam on you! I won't go near it.
Picard: They've really got you conditioned, don't they?
Tholl: No, not at all. (bell rings) Mmmm... suppertime.
Riker: The Hood's ready to rendezvous with us.
"Picard": Ew! I'd rather perform open heart surgery with a spoon! Or destroy the Enterprise in a pulsar! Does anyone have a spoon?
Bridge Crew: No.
"Picard": Darn. Then set a course for the pulsar.
Tholl: What are you doing?
Picard: I saw this in a movie once. We transmit a whole bunch of prime numbers, then send them a copy of Hitler introducing the 1936 Olympics, then --
Tholl: Can't you do something better?
Picard: I could try to find out if we have a common foe.
Tholl: Besides the new guy?
"Picard": Counsellor, has anyone figured out I'm not the real Picard?
"Picard": Would you like a nice, romantic dinner in my quarters?
Crusher: I have a feeling we'll be feeding the 'shippers more than ourselves.
"Picard": Might as well throw them a bone once a season or so.
"Picard": Should I just be all romantic and sweep you off your feet?
Crusher: Are you sure that would be P/C?
"Picard": Good point. Maybe you'd better leave.
P/Cers: That was it?
Esoqq: I bet one of us is collaborating with our captors.
Tholl: Not me.
Haro: Not me.
Not Me: Why do I always get blamed for everything? Maybe it's Picard!
Haro: No, it can't be him. He did that classified mission.
"Picard": Ales for everyone! Now let's sing a song.
Riker: I don't like the way the Captain's acting. He's becoming cooler than me! My chances with female crewmembers will be ruined!
Troi: I'm still here for you.
Riker: (sulking) Like that helps.
Wesley: We've reached the pulsar.
"Picard": Take us in.
Riker: Sir, can we reenact a scene from "Lonely Among Us" in your Ready Room?
Picard: We've almost got the door open.
Esoqq: At last we get to go outside. At last we have --
Tholl: -- another door.
Picard: At this time I'd like to expose Haro. I figured it out a few scenes ago.
Esoqq: Then why didn't you expose her earlier?
Picard: Because I wanted to see what was behind the door.
Riker: It was a great idea to send us eye signals telling us to capture the aliens, sir.
Picard: Thanks, but that look really meant "I know it was you who installed the exploding replicator in my quarters."
(Riker runs away at Ludicrous Speed)
Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.