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The Trek Nation - The Terratin Incident

The Terratin Incident

By Kira
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 9:08 PM GMT

See Also: 'The Terratin Incident' Episode Guide

Captain's Log: Starfleet has ordered us on a mission to survey a radioactive supernova. Somehow, I get the impression Starfleet doesn't like us very much.

Uhura: Captain, we're receiving a radio transmission.
Spock: The signals appear to be random, Captain.
Kirk: Are you just saying that to avoid analyzing them?
Spock: Um.... I stand corrected, it's an old code. There is a single word: T... E... R... R....
Kirk: Terratin. We all get it, Spock.
Spock: The computer does not know what the word "terratin" means.
Kirk: Are y--
Spock: I'll look it up, Captain.
Kirk: You do that.

Kirk: I've heard enough. Time to abandon our mission and investigate this mysterious signal that we know nothing about.
McCoy: But Jim! Starfleet must have had a reason for us to endanger ourselves scanning this radioactive supernova!
Kirk: And I have a reason for investigating this signal.
McCoy: Oh? What reason is that?
Kirk: I hate Starfleet.

Spock: This planet is entirely crystalline, Captain.
Kirk: And look, volcanic eruptions! Those must have been the source of the radio transmissions.
Uhura: But I thought you said that the word "terratin" occuring twice had to be more than just a coincidence.
Kirk: Yeah, I say lots of things.

Spock: Captain, I have just detected a strange pulse directed at us from the planet. Perhaps we should ensure that the ship has not incurred any damage.
Kirk: Bridge?
Sulu: Nothing abnormal yet, sir. Unless you count the freak sitting next to me.
Arex: Same here, on both counts.
Sulu: Hey!
Kirk: Engineering?
Scotty: (over the comm) Aye, cap'n, there's nothin' wrong wit' me engine. She's purrin' like a kitten.
Kirk: Well, Scotty's accent is still intact. Sickbay? How are the canaries doing?
McCoy: (over the comm) We don't use canaries anymore, Jim. We're far more sophisticated than that.
Kirk: Well, whatever you're using, is there anything out of the ordinary?
McCoy: The redshirts are still doing fine.
Kirk: And this scene is getting way too long, so let's assume everything is normal and get on with it.

Kirk: Begin your scans, Mr. Arex. And this time, no punching Sulu under the console with your third arm.
Arex: Aw.
Sulu: Um, Captain?
Kirk: Ah yes. No kicking him with your third leg, either.
Arex: Aw. Anyways, the planet appears to be --
(FLASH!)
Kirk: What the heck was that?
Spock: Our plot complication, no doubt. It was due to arrive at any moment. As is our engine tr--
Scotty: (over the comm) Sir, I can't give you warp! The engines have been completely torn apart!

Kirk: Well, Spock?
Spock: The dilithium molecules appear to have been broken by the pulse.
Kirk: That's odd. You'd think that if the pulse could break apart the hardest molecule known to exist, they'd have some sort of effect on --
Engineer: Sir! Sir! The tools! They're all getting too big for us!
Kirk: My God... the pulse! It's made all the tools bigger!
Spock: Try again, Captain.

Uhura: Captain, the entire ship seems to have expanded!
Spock: It is also possible that we are shrinking.
Kirk: GASP!
Spock: Captain?
Kirk: (tucking his shirt in) Uh... nothing. Get us out of here, Mr. Sulu, before any more shrinkage occurs.

McCoy: I hate to say this, but it looks like Spock was right -- we're shrinking.
Spock: Fascinating.
McCoy: Isn't it always. Anyways, probably in defiance of all sorts of physics I don't know, the number of atoms in our bodies is the same, just the space between the molecules is decreasing.
Spock: I find it odd that nothing else is shrinking except our uniforms.
Kirk: Yes, I find it disappointing too.
Spock: Your ability for selective hearing never ceases to amaze me.

McCoy: So, only organic material like the crew and our organic-based uniforms are shrinking.
Spock: And the pulse wound the dilithium molecules into tight spirals.
Kirk: Hm. Spirals... I've got it! The pulse must be compacting the DNA in our cells, causing us to shrink!
McCoy: But Jim, the DNA is our cells is naturally compacted. It's called chromatin. And that wouldn't have anything to do with the cells shrinking.
Spock: And didn't we just decide that it was space between atoms making us shrink?
Kirk: I'm the captain, I get to decide what's making us shrink.
Spock: But I thought I was the science officer.
Kirk: I've always thought of that as more of an honorary title.

Captain's Log: The crew is continuing to shrink at an alarming, though thankfully proportional rate. Soon we will be too small to operate the ship. I pointed out that we would be able to have fun adventures like swimming in a bowl of Cheerios, but nobody else seemed to share my enthusiasm.

Kirk: We must find where that pulse came from. Scotty -- meet me in the transporter room!
Scotty: (over the comm) You can't be serious, Captain. How do you expect to cover any ground when you're an inch tall?
Kirk: Do you want to stop all this shrinkage, or not?
Scotty: Well, I could certainly use to drop a few inches around the waist...
Kirk: Not until the movies, Scotty.
Scotty: One can never be thinking too far ahead, I always say.

Captain's Log: I'm beaming down to the planet. With any luck, I can find some friendly insect to tame and carry me in my search for the source of the pulse.

Transporter: WHOOSH
Kirk: Eureka! Kirk to Enterprise -- the shrinkage has been reversed!
Spock: (over the comm) Completely reversed?
Kirk: You'd hear my screams of agony from here if it wasn't.
Spock: Right. The wave bombardment has ceased, so it appears that all is well.
Volcanoes: BOOM!
Kirk: Spock, have I ever told you you're a real jinx?
Spock: It's a gift.

Transporter: WHOOSH
Kirk: Well, it's good to be back. ...Hello? Anyone?
(checks the bottom of his shoes)
Kirk: Phew.

Kirk: Scotty, there you are, and I doubt I'll ever say this again but boy are you tiny. Is everyone accounted for?
Scotty: Everyone but the bridge crew. They were beamed away.
Kirk: I'll bet they were taken to the miniature city I found. There's only one thing to do.
Scotty: Train all weapons on it and threaten to blast it to Hell?
Kirk: Precisely.

Kirk: Attention puny city -- I'm prepared to destroy you unless you return my crew. Well, maybe not Spock. Or Bones. Come to think of it --
Mendant: (over the comm) All right, all right, we'll give them back! We only shrunk you to get your attention so we could tell you that our planet is dying.
Spock: (over the comm) They colonized this planet many years ago, Captain. Their colony was believed to be lost, but in fact they were merely shrunk.
Kirk: Pity Earth never found out. We could've had a good laugh.

Spock: Captain, the transporter has returned the crew to normal size and we have replenished our dilithium.
Kirk: And the Terratins?
Spock: Their city has been beamed aboard. We can relocate them on a nearby planet that will be more suitable.
Kirk: Good, good. And it sure is nice to be back to normal size again.
Uhura: It sure would have been terrible if we had remained that small.
Kirk: Please, Uhura. What do women know about shrinkage?
(The Enterprise warps off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Kira is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.