Who Mourns for Morn?By Celeste
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:18 PM GMT
See Also: 'Who Mourns for Morn?' Episode Guide
Odo: Bad news, Quark. I'm afraid Morn has died.
Quark: Well, I'll lose his business but at least he won't be driving customers away with his long boring stories.
Quark: Everyone! Thanks for coming. In order to celebrate Morn's life every glass of prune juice is on me.
Quark: Better make that the first glass.
Odo: Morn left you everything in his will, Quark.
Quark: Yes! I'll be able to sell the bar and retire at 30.
Odo: Not quite.
Odo: Try again.
Quark: Do I at least get enough money to buy a scantily clad female?
Quark: Eh, it'll have to do.
Larell: You wouldn't happen to know where Morn kept his 1000 bricks of gold pressed latinum, would you?
Quark: He had a 1000 bricks of gold pressed latinum?
Larell: He didn't tell you where it is? Dammit! Er, I mean... we'll find it, my big-lobed cute Ferengi.
Quark: Heheh, okay. Little higher with the oomox.
Quark: Who ever thought of suspending latinum in worthless gold was a genius.
Jadzia: Wait, are we back to gold being worthless again? I know we flop around for furtherance of plot.
Quark: Sweetums, I'm home!
Nahsk: Wrong sweetums. We're business partners of Morn.
Krit: We're business partners of Morn.
Nahsk: We want the thousand bars of gold pressed latinum to pay his debt.
Krit: We want him to pay back his debt.
Quark: I need the money to pay off Morn's bar tab. How about 50%?
Nahsk: Deal. Krit, leave him with a parting gift.
Krit: We have this beautiful painting that looks stunning with any Ferengi clothing wear.
Quark: I found a claim slip for a storage locker.
Odo: Great. But you have to open it in here.
Quark: You just want me to open it in here so that you can be nosey and see what I get.
Odo: No, I want to be here to see that look of anguish on your face when you see it's only one bar of latinum instead of a thousand.
Quark: What? Aww.
Odo: There it is!
Larell: (doing oomox) How's my squeezable Ferengi?
Larell: Have you found the latinum yet?
Quark: Mmhmm -- err, no.
Larell: Okay, I'll just distract you long enough to steal this bar you have right here.
Larell: Odo is right, that look is cute.
Quark: Doo de doo. Time to get Morn's latinum out of the Bank of Bolius. Nothing can go wrong now.
Quark: Well you're new.
Quark: All right, who are you?
Hain: Royal investigator. Your friend Morn was a prince.
Quark: Wait a minute... Morn was a prince? But he never wore lots of sparkly jewlery.
Hain: No, that would be Elton John.
Bashir: You're doing engineering work at a bar?
O'Brien: I'm keeping Morn's seat warm. I couldn't by chance sucker you in to sitting in it for me, could I? I tried to get Kira to, but she outsmarted me.
Quark: I'm doing a Whose Line Is It Anyway? skit -- everyone comes in one at a time and I try to guess what their funny quirk is.
Quark: Let's see... Larell isn't Morn's ex-wife, Hain isn't a security officer, Nahsk and Krit are just plain stupid, and you all robbed a bank with Morn.
Hain: 1000 points.
Hain: Here's the new plan. We'll all just stay together until the bank officials arrive with the latinum.
Quark: But what about my bar?
Larell: We can all go there together if that free prune juice offer still stands.
Quark: At last, I can fufill my lifelong dream: swimming in a pool of latinum.
Hain: What are you, Scrooge McDuck?
Quark: Shut up and start bickering with everyone else so I can run off.
Odo: You can come out now. We rounded up all the bad guys.
Quark: No, I think I'll stay in here with all my... what the -- ? Someone took out all the latinum! Aww.
Odo: I really do love that face.
Odo: Good news, Quark. Morn isn't really dead -- he set you up.
Quark: Bad Morn! No biscuit! But where did you keep all that latinum?
Morn: (spits the latinum from his second stomach into a glass and hands it to Quark)
Quark: For me? Aww.
Odo: That's just... so adorable.
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)
Celeste is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.