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The Trek Nation - Take Me Out to the Holosuite

Take Me Out to the Holosuite

By saxamaphone
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:20 PM GMT

See Also: 'Take Me Out to the Holosuite' Episode Guide

Kira: There's an annoying Vulcan here to see you.
Sisko: Which one?
Solok: Do you know many annoying Vulcans?
Sisko: You'd be surprised.

Solok: Thank you for letting us use your inferior station.
Sisko: While you're here, take a look at my Christopher Pike Medal of Valour.
Solok: I have two.
Sisko: Dammit -- you always win these debates!
Solok: Actually, I have only won 99.647% of our debates.
Sisko: If you don't shut up, I'm going to take this baseball bat and stick it up y--
Solok: Baseball? What an excellent idea!

Sisko: We've been challenged to a contest by the Vulcans.
Worf: Do I get to kill anyone?
Sisko: No.

Kira: We'll have to figure out this lineup... Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Worf: That's what we want to find out.
Kira: I said Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third --
Nog: But you need to give us names.
Kira: It's right here on the PADD!
Worf: Well, then who's on first?
Kira: Yes!

O'Brien: Who's on second?
Ezri: No, Who's on first.
Bashir: I don't know.
Ezri: He's on third.
O'Brien: I need a drink.
Quark: You rang?

Sisko: You all suck -- we're doomed.
Jake: Hey, you never know. It could end up being like that movie Major League.
Sisko: More like A League of their Own.
Jake: But the team in that movie was all... HEY!

Sisko: I need an umpire. Will you do it?
Odo: Let's play ball!
Sisko: That's the spirit. I'm glad we have you on our side.
Odo: Strike one!

Ezri: Doctor, am I going to make it?
Bashir: Geez, you just banged your elbow
Quark: Everything's getting dark.
Bashir: And you didn't even play! You just got a paper cut while taking bets.
O'Brien: Okay, I'm ready! Let's play ball!
Bashir: Oh, not you. You're hurt.

Sisko: Here, try my magic bat. I call it "Wonderboy."
Rom: Okay. (swish)
Kira: OW! Who threw that?
Sisko: You are so off the team.
Rom: Captain, I'm sorry I threw the bat--
Sisko: I'm not worried about the bat. You completely missed Solok in the stands!

Nog: Sisko's a meanie.
Rom: Naw, you guys go have fun. I just don't know what to do now.
Leeta: You could dance to "Baby Elephant Walk" in the stands.
Rom: Call me "Dancin' Rom."

Sisko: (singing) We're talkin' baseball.
Kira: (singing) From Bajor to San Francisco.
O'Brien: (singing) We're talkin' baseball.
Bashir: (singing) Kasidy and Jake Sisko.
Ezri: (singing) O'Brien's alcohol tasting gum.
Kasidy: (singing) Ezri, ow, she hurt her thumb.
Worf: What's with the song?
Odo: Beats a montage of training clips.

Kasidy: So, what's up with you and Solok?
Sisko: Solok? DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Kasidy: Whoa, sorry I asked.
Sisko: Let's just say it involved a few drinks, some bad jambalaya, and Solok's survival training diet of acorns and marijuana. Just don't tell this to anyone, okay?
Kasidy: (crosses fingers) Okay.
Sisko: Hey, I can read that!

Sisko: Where did all these spectators come from?
Solok: If you build it, they will come.
Sisko: You can at least get them to stop holding up signs that say "Sisko sucks."
Odo: Strike two Sisko.

Sisko: You guys stink!
Quark: We're doing the best we can.
Sisko: That not good enough. Besides, your hat looks like a frying pan.
Quark: Does not.
Sisko: Does too. And that goes for you too, Nog. Now do better or I'll start on those socks next.

Odo: You're out!
Worf: If you were any other man, I'd kill you where you stand.
Odo: What if I was Picard?
Worf: Okay -- almost any other man.
Odo: Ha! Odo 1, Worf 0.
Sisko: Actually, the score is Logicians 8, Niners 0.
Odo: Strike three! You're outta here!

Sisko: We got anything to eat up here? Peanuts? Cracker Jack?
Rom: The only thing at the concession stand is Vulcan Plomeek Chili.
Sisko: Ick. I'll pass.
Rom: I'll give you my popcorn if I can play.
Sisko: Sure, go knock yourself out.
Rom: I'll do my best.
Sisko: No, seriously, go knock yourself out. We need the RBI.

Sisko: Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the station.
Solok: But you didn't win.
Sisko: We know, but it's the most illogical thing we could do right now. Unless you want to see the hula dance that Odo prepared.
Solok: No, I'm leaving before you have the chance to taunt me further.
Odo: Does that mean I can take these coconuts off now, Captain?
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


saxamaphone is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.