Prophet MotiveBy Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:07 PM GMT
See Also: 'Prophet Motive' Episode Guide
Girl: Quark, it's fun playing around with you, but how do I know you're not just putting me on?
Quark: Are you kidding? Not even if a strangely changed Grand Nagus came into my quarters would I ditch you.
Rom: A strangely changed Grand Nagus is coming into your quarters.
Quark: Quick, get out of here!
Sisko: Congratulations, Doctor. You're in the running for "Favorite Star Trek Doctor".
Bashir: I didn't even know I'd been entered.
Dax: You're entered implicitly. I think you've got a good chance since Voyager is only in its first season and I don't think we're supposed to know about Phlox.
Quark: Geez, it's like a pigsty in here.
Rom: Not anymore! Want some bacon?
Quark: No, I want the Nagus out of my suites.
Rom: Well, I think he prefers beetle snuff anyway.
Zek: Hey, check out my new book The New Rules of Acquisition.
Quark: Sweet! Read them to me, Rom.
Rom: "Be nice to your sister." "Don't drive on the railway tracks." "A pun is its own reword."
Quark: The Nagus can't mean to have those rules. It must be in code.
Rom: Like a ROT13 cypher?
Quark: Wait, I've got it! He's going to release this and then a year later rerelease The Rules of Acquisition Classic and make a killing!
Rom: I don't think even the Nagus could be that sneaky.
Zek: Quark, buy everyone in here a round of drinks and put them on my tab!
Quark: Um, sure, Nagus. Do you want me to serve them New Coke?
Zek: No, Tab. Weren't you listening to me?
Bashir: So now we're playing darts? Whatever happened to Racquetball?
O'Brien: Too expensive. By the way, I'm voting for Dr. Crusher. She was a better doctor that you'll ever b-- OW! That was my eye!
Bashir: Sorry, I guess I'm a bit rusty throwing darts. I hope Dr. Crusher comes by here soon....
Rom: Guess what? We're in charge of the Ferengi Benevolent Association!
Quark: Wow. I'm dying to be in charge of it.
Rom: Please tell me you're not being literal.
Quark: You're not being literal.
Quark: So what's wrong with Zek?
Bashir: Darn it, Quark. I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist.
Quark: Isn't the point of the poll to be different from the previous doctors?
Bashir: Shut up.
Quark: Hey, look, it's an orb. I finally get to have an orb experience!
Quark: I don't see why people like these things so much.
Zek: Why did you kidnap me? Why am I back in the wormhole? What's the fastest land animal?
Quark: I need to restore you to your old self; the Prophets are the only ones who can do it; the cheetah.
Prophets: Hiya. We're wormhole aliens.
Quark: What did you do with Zek?
Prophets: He was underweight, we had to throw him back. Now we're going to freak you out by taking the forms of various DS9 characters.
Quark: I bet Sisko never had to deal with this.
Quark: No really, what'd you do to Zek?
Prophets: He said he wanted us to make him a prophet.
Quark: Well, change him back! The way he's acting now doesn't make any cents.
Award Person: And the winner for Best Star Trek Doctor goes to... Dr. Pulaski!
Bashir: Pulaski beat out me? I'm so mad I could crush her!
Dax: What the phlox is wrong with you, Julian? Obviously she's the real McCoy.
Bashir: I have one word for you: emh -- I mean, meh.
Quark: I can't believe I didn't keep anything to blackmail Zek with.
Rom: Do you think this is yet another portent of the inevitable changes in Ferengi society?
Quark: I might if I knew what "portent" meant.
(Ferengi culture suffers another major blow at Ludicrous Speed)
Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.