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The Trek Nation - Prophet Motive

Prophet Motive

By Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:07 PM GMT

See Also: 'Prophet Motive' Episode Guide

Girl: Quark, it's fun playing around with you, but how do I know you're not just putting me on?
Quark: Are you kidding? Not even if a strangely changed Grand Nagus came into my quarters would I ditch you.
Rom: A strangely changed Grand Nagus is coming into your quarters.
Quark: Quick, get out of here!

Sisko: Congratulations, Doctor. You're in the running for "Favorite Star Trek Doctor".
Bashir: I didn't even know I'd been entered.
Dax: You're entered implicitly. I think you've got a good chance since Voyager is only in its first season and I don't think we're supposed to know about Phlox.

Quark: Geez, it's like a pigsty in here.
Rom: Not anymore! Want some bacon?
Quark: No, I want the Nagus out of my suites.
Rom: Well, I think he prefers beetle snuff anyway.

Zek: Hey, check out my new book The New Rules of Acquisition.
Quark: Sweet! Read them to me, Rom.
Rom: "Be nice to your sister." "Don't drive on the railway tracks." "A pun is its own reword."
Quark: WHAT?

Quark: The Nagus can't mean to have those rules. It must be in code.
Rom: Like a ROT13 cypher?
Quark: Wait, I've got it! He's going to release this and then a year later rerelease The Rules of Acquisition Classic and make a killing!
Rom: I don't think even the Nagus could be that sneaky.

Zek: Quark, buy everyone in here a round of drinks and put them on my tab!
Quark: Um, sure, Nagus. Do you want me to serve them New Coke?
Zek: No, Tab. Weren't you listening to me?

Bashir: So now we're playing darts? Whatever happened to Racquetball?
O'Brien: Too expensive. By the way, I'm voting for Dr. Crusher. She was a better doctor that you'll ever b-- OW! That was my eye!
Bashir: Sorry, I guess I'm a bit rusty throwing darts. I hope Dr. Crusher comes by here soon....

Rom: Guess what? We're in charge of the Ferengi Benevolent Association!
Quark: Wow. I'm dying to be in charge of it.
Rom: Please tell me you're not being literal.
Quark: You're not being literal.
Rom: Crap.

Quark: So what's wrong with Zek?
Bashir: Darn it, Quark. I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist.
Quark: Isn't the point of the poll to be different from the previous doctors?
Bashir: Shut up.

Quark: Hey, look, it's an orb. I finally get to have an orb experience!
Zek: Pbbbbbt!
Quark: I don't see why people like these things so much.

Zek: Why did you kidnap me? Why am I back in the wormhole? What's the fastest land animal?
Quark: I need to restore you to your old self; the Prophets are the only ones who can do it; the cheetah.

Prophets: Hiya. We're wormhole aliens.
Quark: What did you do with Zek?
Prophets: He was underweight, we had to throw him back. Now we're going to freak you out by taking the forms of various DS9 characters.
Quark: I bet Sisko never had to deal with this.

Quark: No really, what'd you do to Zek?
Prophets: He said he wanted us to make him a prophet.
Quark: Well, change him back! The way he's acting now doesn't make any cents.

Award Person: And the winner for Best Star Trek Doctor goes to... Dr. Pulaski!
Bashir: Pulaski beat out me? I'm so mad I could crush her!
Dax: What the phlox is wrong with you, Julian? Obviously she's the real McCoy.
Bashir: I have one word for you: emh -- I mean, meh.

Quark: I can't believe I didn't keep anything to blackmail Zek with.
Rom: Do you think this is yet another portent of the inevitable changes in Ferengi society?
Quark: I might if I knew what "portent" meant.
(Ferengi culture suffers another major blow at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.