Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:00 PM GMT
See Also: 'Melora' Episode Guide
Medical Log: I wonder if the fact that I get to make a log entry will impress today's blonde guest star....
Jadzia: So you've gone from stalking me to the alien chick of the week?
Bashir: Not at all. I just understand that "alien chick from a low-grav environment" in any science fiction TV show inevitably equals "low-grav make-out scene."
Jadzia: If this is an attempt at making me jealous, it's not working.
Bashir: Of course I'm not trying to make you jealous. Now hold still so I can ogle you.
Melora: I'm Ensign Melora Pazlar. Bite me.
Bashir: Pleased to meet you, too.
Jadzia: Now if there's any way we can help....
Melora: NO! I don't like you. Go away!
Bashir: She's lovely. I think I'm going to pursue another useless one-episode romance.
Ashrock: So you're willing to give me Lord of the Rings collectibles?
Quark: For the right price. Now let me get you drunk so I can viciously rip you off....
Kot: Die, Quark.
Quark: Eep. Suddenly I find myself not hating Odo.
Sisko: Dax, you've been nominated to babysit the new Ensign on your trip to the Gamma Quadrant.
Jadzia: Okay, no probl--
Melora: I absolutely refuse to be babysat. I'm going alone!
Bashir: And if you get eaten by a savage lifeform or fried by an exploding console?
Melora: Hello? Does this shirt look red to you or are you just color-blind?
Sisko: For the sake of plot, I'm going to order you to be babysat.
Bashir: Am I allowed to invade your quarters?
Melora: No. But invade my quarters anyways.
Bashir: Allow me to reintroduce myself. I'm Julian Bashir, but you can call me James T. Kirk.
Melora: You know...you really don't suck as much as I first thought you did.
Bashir: Score! Wanna go out?
Melora: Ah, what the hell. I'm only here for an episode.
Quark: Will you not want to kill me if I give you food?
Kot: Didn't I tell you to die?
Quark: Look, whose name is in the credits? Yours or mine? What do you say to that, huh?
Quark: On second thought, what do you say to a game of Dabo? And my entire contingent of scantily clad Dabo girls?
Bashir: Ah, the joys of Klingon dining.
Melora: Eeeew, this isn't live worms...it's leola root soup. Fix it at once, p'taK!
Klingon Chef: Oh my God...leola root soup? I have dishonored my restaurant!
Bashir: Now that you're done complaining about the cuisine, can I please tell an angst-filled story of my childhood?
Melora: Sure. I'll sit here looking appropriately sympathetic.
Jadzia: So either Melora had an accident or she spent the night in Sickbay with Julian...what do you think, computer?
Computer: What would you do in that situation?
Jadzia: Somehow I knew it was the accident.
Melora: Either way I end up in Sickbay. How convenient.
Bashir: So then, I, like, rewrite a bunch of technobabble thought up by some other guy, and you'll, like, be able to walk in normal
gravity. Isn't that, like, such a turn-on?
Melora: Indeed. Now let me sprinkle you with this fairy dust....
Bashir: Wow! Look, Tinkerbell! I'm flying!
Melora: Exactly, Peter. Don't you think it's time we engaged in one of the most overused sci-fi romance conventions of all time? The one mentioned earlier in this fiver?
Bashir: Fine by me.
Melora: Oh, Julian....
Bashir: Oh, Jadzia. I mean Leeta. I mean Ezri. Wait...Melora, right?
Melora: That's it, Quark isn't the only one facing a death threat in this episode....
Melora: You and Julian aren't having some sort of fling, are you?
Jadzia: Me and Julian? Hahahaha...are you kidding? Not even if I was killed by Dukat while he was possessed by a pah-wraith, and then got a new, more naive host who wasn't able to control herself!
Melora: ...and we all know the odds of that happening are, like, nonexistent.
Jadzia: Of course. He's all yours.
Melora: Think it'll last?
Jadzia: Yep. Until both the A and B plots are solved, that is.
Quark: Pleeeeease, Odo, have mercy on poor little me!
Odo: Ha. I laugh at you, miserable Ferengi scum. Hahaha. But I'll save your butt anyway.
Quark: Why? You hate me.
Odo: Yeah, but have you ever seen "Caretaker, Part Two"?
Bashir: Technobabble, technobabble, lalala....
Melora: So this is supposed to help me?
Bashir: Theoretically, but I still haven't made Jadzia jealous yet.
Melora: What was that?
Odo: I'm sorry, but you can't kill Quark.
Kot: Awwwww, why? I wanna!
Odo: Because I'm going to kill him. ME! I mean...because it's against the law. And I'm the law here. Yeah.
Kot: You're no fun.
Odo: I try my best.
Melora: Oooh, lookie, I can walk in normal gravity!
Bashir: Maybe there's hope for me getting a permanent love interest after all....
Melora: Wait, I fell.
Bashir: ...or not.
Quark: My, it is dark in here...Odo, you can save my butt now!
Kot: And you can die!
Quark: Wait, I have money!
Kot: Do I look like a Ferengi to you?
Quark: No, but you look bribable.
Kot: Point taken. How much is in question?
Melora: So I wanna stay with Julian, but I also wanna be able to come back to my family. What should I do?
Jadzia: You know, this reminds me of "The Little Mermaid." Of course, she ended up committing suicide at the end.
Melora: Surely Julian's not that bad....
Jadzia: Yeah, but I just realized that the pah-wraith scenario was more feasible than it first looked.
Ashrock: And now here's the money for the Lord of the Rings collectibles... ACK!
Quark: Oh my God, you killed Ashrock! Where are we going now?
Kot: Believe it or not, the A and B plots are actually going to meet in this episode.
Sisko: Ha! We've caught you with our tractor beam!
Kot: And I just shot the other guest star. Take me to the Gamma Quadrant.
Jadzia: No. On second thought, okay.
Melora: Not so fast! Since I'm not dead, I'm going to disable the gravity and use Mad Matrix Skillz!
Quark: And I'm going to stand here looking uncool with a phaser!
Sisko: And Bashir and I are going to beam in heroically to save everyone.
Jadzia: Far too late, of course.
Melora: ...so I decided not to go through with your treatment.
Bashir: What made you change your mind?
Melora: The technobabble. I wasn't about to undergo a treatment that sounds like it came out of Voyager.
Bashir: You still love me, right?
Melora: As much as I love the Klingon opera that's droning on in the background....
Bashir: (cringes) Wonderful... (mutters) Now what the hell do women see in Klingons...?
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)
Soyokaze is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.