Blaze of GloryBy Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:15 PM GMT
See Also: 'Blaze of Glory' Episode Guide
Sisko: How do you like working in Security, Nog?
Nog: Not so much. Whenever I tell the Klingons to move along home, they ignore me and never look me in the eyes.
Sisko: That's funny. Leeta was just complaining about the same problem.
Martok: Captain, look at this message I just received!
Sisko: "Refinance your home for just pennies on the dollar"?
Martok: I meant this one.
Rebecca: (over the comm) "The, uh, eagle has flown. Make sure to bring a box of tissues or your nose will be runny."
Sisko: I bet that message was in code.
Martok: Yeah, it might've been about a big pack of missiles flying straight towards Cardassia.
Sisko: What makes you think that?
Martok: The Klingons gave the Maquis a book entitled How to Build a Big Pack of Missiles and Fly Them Straight Towards Cardassia.
Sisko: Sigh. This Maquis thing sounds like A-plot material, which unfortunately means I'm probably going to have to deal with --
Sisko: Wake up, Eddington.
Eddington: Hi, Captain. What do you want?
Sisko: The Maquis sent a transmission saying they're going to blow up Cardassia with some missiles.
Eddington: Ah, yes, our Dreadnought missiles. They're unstoppable.
Sisko: Surely you don't really mean that.
Eddington: I do. The only person who could bring down those missiles was B'Elanna Torres. And don't call me Shirley.
Eddington: Mmm. Replicated food. You know, if you close your eyes, it almost feels like you're eating runny eggs.
Sisko: That's pretty impressive considering it's an apple.
Eddington: But that's exactly my point. Because you have to wonder, how did the machines --
Sisko: Please tell me you're not going to explain why we think everything tastes like chicken.
Eddington: No, I was going to posit that we're really living in a simulated environment, like a ship in a bottle or something.
Nog: I'll show those Klingons when I throw them in the brig for making too much noise.
Jake: You're really in love with the idea of making the Klingons respect you, aren't you?
Nog: Oh yes, I'm head over heels in love with it -- AAH!
Jake: Let's just leave it at you're head over heels.
Sisko: Hey Eddington, why don't you pilot us away from the Jem'Hadar coming right for us?
Eddington: Why should I? You fired me, remember?
Sisko: Let me put it differently. Either pilot us away from the Jem'Hadar or I'll fire you again... at the Jem'Hadar.
Eddington: By the way, did you ever see my lucky Canadian coin?
Sisko: Give me a break, you aren't Canadian. You haven't ever said "eh?" or any other stereotypical Canadian thing as best as I can recall.
Eddington: I am so Canadian -- as surely as my name is Leftenant Commander Eddington.
Sisko: Those Jem'Hadar ships are back. You better do something about it.
Eddington: The only way to defeat them now is with cooperation and mutual trust.
Sisko: Crap. Just let them kill us.
Nog: All right, move along home.
Martok: What? Who said that?
Nog: Hey, I'm down here. Look me in the eyes when you speak to me.
Martok: Oh, er, sorry. I think I'll move along home now.
Nog: Well, that was anticlimatic.
Eddington: Well, here we are, safe and sound.
Sisko: Actually, it's kind of quiet, so there's not all that much sound.
Sisko: ...and there are Jem'Hadar, so it's not all that safe either.
Sisko: I've got a plan. I'll play something by the Bee Gees, and while they're covering their ears, I'll hit them with this pipe!
Eddington: What are you, the disco plumber? Why don't you just distract them while I shoot them?
Sisko: Well, okay, but I'm still playing "Night Fever".
Eddington: Can you just go back to hating me? Please?
Eddington: Oh no! Vance? Hudson? Ro? Sniff. They can't all be dead!
Sisko: Yeah, but check out all these empty chairs at empty tables. There's gotta be a fortune to be made in selling this stuff surplus.
Eddington: I'm too miserable to think of profit at this time.
Rebecca: Michael! You're brown.
Eddington: Captain, I'd like you to meet my wife Rebecca.
Rebecca: Greetings. You should sit down if you're tired.
Sisko: Does she always talk like that?
Eddington: Yeah, we always make her record our messages so people will think it's encoded.
Sisko: So wait, there never were any missiles?
Sisko: That's it. We're having it out. Just you and me --
Sisko: -- against the Jem'Hadar.
Eddington: You go on ahead. I'll keep the Jem'Hadar back.
Eddington: Okay? You were supposed to talk me out of that idea!
Sisko: La la! I can't hear you!
Sisko: So Eddington died and with him died the Maquis.
Sisko: Ahem. I mean, there still may be a few Maquis out there.
(The station spins at Ludicrous Speed)
Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.