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The Trek Nation - Battle Lines

Battle Lines

By Wowbagger
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 3:57 PM GMT

See Also: 'Battle Lines' Episode Guide

Bashir: (over comm) Sir, you had better come down and see this.
Sisko: What is it, Doctor?
Bashir: Trouble.
Sisko: What kind of trouble?
Bashir: (sigh) All right, it's just the Kai.
Sisko: The Kai is trouble?
Bashir: No, I just always wanted to say that, sir.

Sisko: The wormhole is very, very prettyful. But YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO SEE IT! Hahahahaha!
Opaka: (makes sad puppy eyes)
Sisko: Awww... okay. Board ill-fated runabout-with-river-for-a-namesake #2.
Bashir: Right away, sir.
Sisko: Not you! Just the K--
Bashir: What, sir? I can't hear you.

Opaka: Very, very, very prettyful. Now why don't we all chill in dis here hood, yo?
Sisko, Bashir, and Kira: ...?
Opaka: Look, some joker sent the Prophets an OCD of gangsta rap. Just ignore it and pay attention to the subspace message that's coming in in five seconds which I of course could know nothing about yet. Right.
Sisko: What subspa-- Ah, so there is. We will now drop our current line of questioning.
Opaka: (phew!)

Kira: We're being fired upon by a 900-megawatt pulse thingy!
Sisko: Hey, these shields can take a decent beating from a starship with enough power to wipe out a planet. I'm sure we can handle the equivalent of a small power plant's daily -- oh, crud.

Yangtzee Kiang: GAK!
Opaka: I'm all right! I'm all -- GAK!
Bashir: She's dead, Ben.
Kira: By Grapthar's Hammer, You Shall Be Avenged!
Sisko: Hey, she's not really dead! She just blinked!
Ennis: Ignore that. Focus on us instead.

Shel-la: Note the hair.
Sisko: Wow. Any man who can look worse than Picard and Ted Koppel combined is a man to be respected.
Shel-la: Ennis good. Nol-Ennis bad.
Sisko: But you're exactly the same.
Shel-la: No! Don't you see? I'm bald on the left and hairy on the right; their leader is bald on the right and hairy on the left!

Shel-la: We stopped using energy weapons centuries ago.
Sisko: Then what's that you're holding?
Shel-la: Ignore that.

Ennis #1: GAK!
Nol-Ennis #42: GAK!
Ennis #26 and #47: GAK!
Nol-Ennis #54-107 Inclusive: GAK!
Various Others: GAK!
Kira: Looks like somebody likes a certain word...

Opaka: Anti-GAK!
Kira: She's alive!
Ennis: Meh.
Sisko: Meh? Isn't that a bit suspicious?
Bashir: Ignore that.

Sisko: How about a cease fire?
Shel-la: Yes, I'm willing to discuss a "cease fire."
Sisko: Why the scare quotes?
Shel-la: Whatever are you talking about?

O'Brien: We'll use a differential magnetomer to scan for humanoid biosigns by penetrating the delta radiation and the mutual induction field set up by--
Dax: Not one more word or you'll cause a technobabble explosion that'll take out that small moon.
O'Brien: That's no moon... that's a battle GAK!
Dax: Lucky that this "Hammer of Smiting" just materialized on the transporter pad.
T'Pol: (over the comm) No problem.

Zlangco: Here for the "cease fire talks?"
Sisko: It disturbs me that you--
Shel-la: As opposed to the cease fire talks? Yes, I'm here for the "cease fire talks."
Sisko: Hey, guys, guys--
Zlangco: That's good, because I'm here on behalf of PETE: People Eating Tasty Ennis. En garde!

Ennis and Nol-Ennis: GAK!
Nol-Ennis #33 1/3: Sisko, prepare to be GAKitized!
Bashir: You wish.

Sisko: Thanks. Say, you jump really well, almost like a superman!
Bashir: Uh... ignore that.
Sisko: Why does everyone keep telling me to ignore them?
Bashir: Uh... ignore that, too.

O'Brien: (over the comm) Commander, we're ready to beam you up now.
Sisko: Chief, we still have a plot developing down here.
O'Brien: I see. Oh, what's this? Sorry, sir, but some interference (wink wink) up here will delay beamup by about fifteen minutes. (wink wink)
Sisko: Are you winking at me over a communicator?
O'Brien: Of course not, sir. (wink wink)
Sisko: Okay, then.

Bashir: I'm going to make sure these people can die forever, as an act of mercy.
Shel-la: Excellent. A new weapon!
Bashir: On second thought, we'll just leave the Kai with them instead.
Opaka: What?
Bashir: Uh... you're stuck here... uh... forever. Right.

Sisko: I feel bad about abandoning the Kai.
Dax: Ignore it.
Sisko: And if I don't?
Dax: I dunno. Good advice, though.
Sisko: No, it isn't.
Dax: I'm ignoring you.
Sisko: Grrr...
(Rio Grande computer realizes that ignorance is bliss and erases its memory banks at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Wowbagger is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.