Oasis

See Also: 'Oasis' Episode Guide

Cordelia: Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless.
Sato: (over the phone) Uh, hi. You wouldn�t happen to be hiring right now, would you?
Cordelia: Well, what are your qualifications?
Sato: I�m a very experienced translator and --
Cordelia: Oh, you. The Sunnydale bunch warned us you�d be calling. Sorry, but we have a rule here: no taking characters from other shows� dumpsters.
Sato: What about Wesley?
Cordelia: He came before we made that rule.
Wesley: HEY!

D�Marr: Mmmmm. My compliments to your chef -- he serves excellent kanar.
Tucker: Ca-what?
T�Pol: Forgive our engineer, D�Marr. He�s charming, but his slowness kept him from getting your cross-series joke.
D�Marr: What joke? Oh, and speaking of ghost ships, there�s one on a nearby planet.
Archer: That was the worst segue I�ve ever heard.

Archer: Travis, set a course for the ghost ship planet.
Mayweather: Woohoo! At last, a vehicle for my criminally-underused character!
T�Pol: Some would say mercifully underused. And how is this a vehicle for you?
Mayweather: I tell ghost stories, remember?
T�Pol: No.
Tucker: That was on Sporeworld, T�Pol. You were there.
T�Pol: No, my robot duplicate was there. I send it on missions where it looks like you�ll hit on me.
Tucker: And if I do?
T�Pol: Then it has a very nice surprise for you.

Intercom: You are now entering the Ghost Ship of Evil and Pain. Remember to stop at the gift shop on the way out.
Tucker: Oh, shoot! Left my money on the ship. I�d better go back and get it.
Archer: Nice try, Trip.

Tucker: Hey, do you hear something?
T�Pol: No. I think this Discman may be broken.
Tucker: No, I mean there�s a spooky sound that --
T�Pol: Ahhhh, now it�s starting. Much better.

Mayweather: You know, Captain, your support and guidance have really meant a lot to me. In fact, I think --
Archer: Just because it�s your last scene doesn�t mean you have to talk this much.
Mayweather: Last scene? But this was my vehicle! How can it be my last scene of the episode?
Archer: At least I talked T�Pol down from �of the season.� And that was down from �of the series.�

Tucker: Wow! A secret garden!
Liana: Hi.
Tucker: With a girl in it!
Many Kantare: Hi.
Tucker: ....and also an army. There goes my Frances Hodgson Burnett theory.

Sato: Ever since then, I�ve been wandering from series to series, each one a subtle variation on the last.
Quinn Mallory: You�ve definitely got the experience we�re looking for. Can you act?
Sato: Can I? You haven�t lived till you�ve seen my John Rhys-Davies impression.
Maggie Beckett: Excuse me, Quinn. Is this woman trying to join our cast?
Quinn: Yeah. Is that a problem?
Maggie: We�ve discussed this! Remember? Wade?
Quinn: Ohhhh, right. No cuter female characters than you or you walk.
Maggie: That wasn�t my phrasing, but it�s the general point. Sorry, Miss....
Sato: Hoshi.
Maggie: Hoshi. Here, take my uncle�s business card; he may have a job for you.
Sato: Thanks. And don�t worry, I�m not mad -- I�m mostly flattered to hear that I�m cuter than you.
Maggie: Quinn, there will be pain later.

Archer: Greetings, friends!
Kantare: Humph.
Archer: Uh oh. The only answer I studied for was �Greetings right back atcha.� T�Pol, how do I win now?
T�Pol: For the last time, you don�t win a first contact. Anyway, try making a small peace offering to break the ice.
Archer: Got it. (ahem) Greetings, friends! Please have my ship!

Liana: Hey, do you hear something?
Tucker: That�s just T�Pol banging her head against the wall. Say, don�t I know you?
Liana: I doubt it. I pretty much live in a cave.
Tucker: Well, you look familiar, and that�s grounds for pass-making. Wanna see a movie?
Liana: What�s playing?
Tucker: The Matrix.
Liana: Su--
Maya: NO! I forbid my daughter to see that movie!
Tucker: Why? It�s just about someone discovering that everything around him has been an illusion for his whole --
Maya: Shhhh! SHHHH!

Kuulan: Captain, I�d like you to meet Ezral, one of the Founders of our community.
Archer: Pleased to meet you, Prospero.
Ezral: My name is Ezral.
Archer: Then why did Kuulan say it was Prospero?
Ezral: He didn�t!
Archer: He did so. T�Pol?
T�Pol: I heard Prospero.
Ezral: Well, the name is Ezral. Get it right.
Archer: Okay, Prospe--
Ezral: EZRAL!
Archer: Oh, right! Sorry.

T�Pol: You�re being pretty blatant with your dalliance.
Tucker: All I did was ask her out. You�re just jealous.
T�Pol: I�m not the only officer who�s concerned about this. Here�s another....
Data: Commander, what are your intentions toward my daughter?
Tucker: Gyaa! Where�d HE come from?
T�Pol: You and cross-series jokes just don�t get along, do you?

Reed: Captain, that ship is much older than they�re saying. About 300 years.
Archer: Holy cow -- it�s the Jupiter 2! We�ve found it!
Reed: My scans also revealed that the ship isn�t fictional.
Archer: Oh. So much for that idea.

Tucker: This concludes our tour of the ship.
Liana: What tour? The only place you showed me was your quarters, where there were scented candles and jazz music for some reason.
Tucker: I guess we have time for one more room. How about Sickbay?
Liana: Okay. What�s your doctor like?
Tucker: Nothing unusual. He�s chubby, I guess....
Liana: Oh strange new world, that hath such people in it!

Sato: Oh, and I agree completely with all your theories.
Al Calavicci: You can stop sucking up now -- you�re hired. Welcome aboard!
Sato: Thank you so much, Admiral. I�ve had a lot of trouble finding the right show to work on.
Al: Well, honey, your troubles are over. Now lemme introduce you to the other half of the cast. Hey Sam, get over here!
Sam Beckett: Something wrong, Al?
Sato: Oh... boy.
Sam: Hi there, ma�am. Al, is this the new employee?
Al: Yeah. You okay, Hoshi? You�re paler than my first wife�s wedding dress.
Sato: Um. Mr. Calavicci, thanks very much for your time, but I need to run screaming now.
Al: Well, there she goes, Sam... the only person I ever met who knew more languages than you.
Sam: Huh. Was it something I said?

Reed: I just found some escape pods orbiting the planet. Funny how I never noticed them before.
Archer: Guess they were hiding. Bring one aboard.
T�Pol: Captain, you need to break this habit! What did you say when we found the sleeping Klingons? �Bring one aboard.� What did you say when the Suliban shot warp grenades at us? �Bring one aboard.� What did you say when we ran into the giant space bees? �Bring one aboard.�
Archer: Exactly. Now let�s bring one aboard.

Liana: Hey, do you hear something?
Tucker: That�s T�Pol again -- Jon�s two for two today. Hey, know what you should do? Leave home forever.
Liana: Why? I�m very happy cooped up in a small space on a small planet for my entire life. It worked for Jim Carrey in The Truman Show.
Tucker: Yeah, but there�s a difference: nobody he knew was real.

Reed: Here�s the pod, but it�s marked �Do Not Open Until Stardate 99239.1.�
Archer: What the frell is a stardate? Just open it. Phlox, take scans.
Phlox: All right, but I remind you I�m doing this under protest... dead people are icky.

Kuulan: Hey, you were snooping around!
Tucker: Who, me? Naw. I was, um, scooping a round. Ball of ice cream. Yeah.
Kuulan: I don�t understand you people. How can you think that fixing our ship for free gives you the right to look into our situation?
Tucker: If that doesn�t, what would?
Kuulan: Pie.

Liana: I think I�m falling for him, Mom. I know it�s forbidden, but I can�t help --
Maya: Stop that right now. Do you want to turn us into a Fiddler on the Roof ripoff?
Liana: But --
Maya: Do you want to turn us into a Fiddler on the Roof ripoff?
Liana: ....No.
Maya: Good girl. Now go help your sisters with the challeh.

Archer: Time to send an away team to find out what Prospero�s really up to. Reed, you get to pick the redshirts.
Reed: I�m honoured, sir. Shall we take the transporter?
Archer: Malcolm! I�m surprised at you. Such disrespect for fair play.

Archer: Hi, Kantare people. We�ve come to --
Reed: YEOW!
Tucker: Oh my God -- they shot Malcolm! You bastards!
Archer: Are you all right, Mr. Reed?
Reed: Not really, sir. I was recently shot.
Archer: We�d better fight back, then. Everybody aim for the holoemitters!

Sato: And then he walked in and it was all �new boss, same as the old boss.� So here I am on a psychiatrist�s couch doubting my sanity.
Doctor Who: Madam, the world is almost entirely composed of the unusual. If we are to survive, we must face what we do not wish to see.
Sato: But where do I go from here? If I stop changing series, I won�t get fooled again, but where else is left for me?
Doctor Who: Your life is yours, Ensign. I can offer only this advice: though the road goes ever on and on, in the end it always leads home.
Sato: I�d better go, but thanks for listening. You said all the right things.
Doctor Who: Perhaps. Or perhaps someone very much like me, in a place very much like this one, said those right things to you.
Sato: You�re weird, you know that?

Holoemitters: WAIT! Don�t shoot!
Tucker: Captain?
Archer: No mercy, Trip. Fire.
Holoemitters: NOOOOOO!
All the Kandare: NOOOOOO!
Ezral: Um... uh... �NOOOOOO!�
Tucker: You�re not fooling anybody.
Ezral: Nuts.

Archer: Enough shadowplay, Prospy. What�s really going on here?
Ezral: Okay, you got me. The others were all holograms.
Archer: They were units of mass?
Tucker: Fake people, sir. I�ve seen the tec--
Archer: Don�t remind us of �Unexpected,� Trip.

Ezral: Liana, I hope you understand that I was just doing what was best for you.
Liana: By lying to me every single minute of my life?
Ezral: Not all of them! I once went a full ten lie-free minutes -- I have it on tape.
Liana: Well, I just hope you�ll be nicer to Trip and the others now. They�re good people, even if they keep calling you Prospero for some reason.
Ezral: All right, all right... but you�re still not watching The Matrix.

Captain�s Starlog: Them holograms are nothing but trouble. Let�s hope Starfleet doesn�t run into them again.

Ezral: (over the comm) It�s time to leave home and explore the universe. Farewell, Captain, and thanks.
Archer: Not a problem, Prezral. Good luck.
Mayweather: Captain, we�re getting another hail -- it�s Hoshi!
Sato: (over the comm) Hi, Captain... I�ve decided it�s time to stop exploring the universe and come home. Permission to embark?
Archer: Granted, Hoshi. Granted.
T�Pol: Isn�t this great? Another ending without loose ends.
Tucker: But I never got Liana kissage in this version!
Archer: And I still hear a faint barking noise.
T�Pol: Details, details.
(Enterprise heads off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

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