Ordover Steps Up In Surprise Presidential Election SettlementBy Christian
November 9, 2000 - 5:32 PM
Several hours ago, this news organisation received a press release from the offices of John J. Ordover, best-known for his position as the editor of Star Trek novels for Pocket Books.
According to the release, at 9:00am this morning, Ordover invoked the little-known "gimme" clause in the US constitution, and is now the president-elect of the United States of America. A spokesman for Ordover was quoted as saying, "The clause states that if a presidential election is too close to call, due to a close vote in the state of Flordia, the presidency goes to whoever raises their hand first."
At a brief first meeting with the press this morning, Ordover said, "I can't believe that no one jumped in before I did. I guess people just don't read the constitution closely any more."
A more detailed press conference is scheduled for late this afternoon, during which Ordover will outline the direction in which he hopes to lead the country. "Right now," he said, "while I can tell you in general that I'm pro-happiness and anti-sadness, the specifics will have to wait until I've had a few hours to think it over."
Ordover went on to say he will need several days to consider who he would nominate as vice-president. Details on Ordover's transitional team have not yet been released, but future government members are expected to include Dr. Lawrence M. Schoen, director of the Klingon Language Institute, as Secretary of Linguistics, Barking, and Spitting. Rumoured to be in the running for the position of Secretary of Defense was novelist and Vulcan/Romulan expert Susan Schwartz, who sources indicated was pushing for "some new blood in his administration, and that blood ought to be green."
At press time, representatives for presidential candidates George W. Bush and Al Gore had not yet responded to our request for comment, though sources indicate great surprise in both camps at the sudden rise of such a relatively unexperienced candidate. When questioned this morning about his lack of political experience, Ordover smiled and said, "I have years of experience in science fiction. I doubt that politics is all that much more surreal."
Stay tuned to this site as more news becomes available on this dramatic new turn in the presidential election drama. The above report is based on both official communiqués and inofficial updates delivered to the email box of our political editor.